Grilled Cheese Can be Dangerous
by finlee
Summary: Ryan finds a new way to make grilled cheese. Another story for the Season 3 Advent challenge.


**Grilled Cheese Can Be Dangerous**

Disclaimer: I don't own them, unfortunately.  
FYI: This wasn't beta'd so there will be mistakes!

Ryan could not believe the situation he was in. It had Seth written all over it, but unfortunately, Ryan had to take full credit. Seth hadn't gone near him let alone spoken to him in two days so it wasn't even possible that Seth left some sort of subliminal message that would have resulted in this situation.

But here stood Ryan, stark naked, spatula in one hand, a can of whipped cream in the other with lime jell-o smeared all over his danglies and no girl in sight. To make matters worse, Sandy was at the door of the pool house asking Ryan if he could come in.

"Really Sandy…I swear, I just want to take a shower. Everything is fine!"

"Ryan, please let me in. You've barely eaten and you haven't been out of the pool house for days. I'm worried about you kid. You never lock the door. I just…I just want to talk to you, let you know what's happening with Trey and Marissa. Kirsten too."

"Sandy, I promise you, I'm fine…I'm just getting myself together. Can't I have some more time…Please!" Ryan hated to beg, but he was damn thankful the door was locked and the blinds pulled. If Sandy saw him like this, he would find himself in a padded room in no time. No rehab by the sea for him.

"You're really scaring me, kid. Just let me in. I can get the key."

"NO! Ahhh… no Sandy. I'm uh just going to get a shower and then I'll come out and we can talk. About anything you want. Anything. I know I've been avoiding everyone and I know Seth is still pissed off that I tried to put Captain Oates down the garbage disposal. But I'm better now. I swear, please just let me get a shower. Could you make me a sandwich?"

"All right, we'll play it your way. But only 10 minutes. I want you in the house in 10 minutes, fully dressed and smelling clean." Ryan looked down at himself really quick. No way could Sandy see him, the blinds were closed weren't they?

"What do you mean Sandy…" he squeaked.

"Kid, you just said you're going to take a shower. You haven't showered in days so I'm sure you don't smell like roses. When you come in the house, I want you wearing regular clothing. No wife beater, no ripped up sweats, no stains- I want you to look like you're joining the human race, not like you've barricaded yourself in a pool house for the past week."

"Got it. Clothing…I'll wear clothing…"

The door handle jiggled causing Ryan to almost drop the whipped cream. "Ryan, really, let me in. You don't sound right…"

Jesus fucking Christ, what would it take to get this man to go away? He was naked with jell-o all over his dick. "Sandy, you said 10 minutes. I really want to take a shower…please. I'll be fine." Great, now he was whining.

"Fine, 10 minutes. Do you want a grilled cheese? You like grilled cheese."

"NO! I mean, no thanks. Anything else but that. And make sure it's room temperature."

"Ryan? What is going on, room temperature?"

"I just don't want you to go out of your way, so don't cook. Maybe a bagel with butter and a little jell-o …I mean jelly!"

"10 minutes, kid." Ryan watched as the shadows changed as Sandy moved from the door. He also heard Sandy sigh loudly as he walked away.

Ryan was never having grilled cheese again. That's what got him in this situation. He did wake up feeling a little better this morning. Things seemed a little clearer. Ryan did need time to pull himself together which was something the Cohen's never understood. They were talkers, Ryan was a thinker.

But today, the sun seemed to come out a little bit. And he was hungry and yes he did smell a little ripe, so a shower and some food was in order. Looking in the fridge in his kitchenette, he saw everything he needed for a grilled cheese with bacon sandwich. Not only that, there was some lime jell-o and whipped cream for dessert. His stomach was already growling.

So he threw a few strips of bacon in a pan and prepared the sandwich while it fried. A little butter, a few slices of American cheese. As the bacon sizzled, he then filled a small bowl with jell-o and started to shake the can of whipped cream. That's when he saw the tomato. Why not have a tomato with the sandwich. As he slicing it, he caught another whiff of himself.

Yikes! The shower should have come first. Maybe a bath would be better. He could relax and eat his sandwich and jell-o while he soaked. Perfect.

Ryan stripped off his clothing as he headed to the bathroom. Reaching to the back of the bathroom closet, he grabbed the bubble bath Kirsten stored there. Ryan would never admit to anyone that he liked bubble baths. To the outside world, he was a shower man, but in the privacy of his own pool house (and of course when no one was home) he was all about the bubbles.

As he was checking the temperature of the water he heard a pop. Oh shit! The bacon!

Running out of the bathroom, he almost fell slipping on the clothing that he had dropped on the floor. Reaching the kitchenette, he grabbed a spatula and reached for the frying pan. As he touch the pan, there was another popping sound followed by a lot of sizzling. It took a moment, but suddenly Ryan felt an indescribable pain. Some of the grease from the popping bacon had landed on Ryan.

That would have been okay except for the fact he was naked and the grease seemed to only rain down on his danglies. Trying not to scream in pain and fear, he reached out for the first thing he could find to help sooth the pain – the lime jell-o. He took a handful and smeared it all over himself. God that felt good. Oh, yeah!

While giving himself a few more strokes, Ryan used his free hand to once again pick up the spatula and used it to push the frying pan off the burner. No way was he going near frying bacon again when he was naked.

But the pain was still there. He knew he was out of ice, so maybe the whipped cream would come in handy. He picked up the can, lurched out of the kitchenette and froze. Someone was trying to get in.

"What!"

"Ryan, the doors locked, can I come in?"

"Uh Sandy, now is not a good time… really. Can you come back later?" He looked down at himself. Seth was rubbing off on him. No way would Chino!Ryan ever be caught naked in a pool house, a spatula in one hand, whipped cream in his other with lime jell-o smeared on his danglies and no girl in sight.

fin

By the way, there are morals to this tale. I'm sure you can think of others, but the main two are:

Never cook bacon when you're naked.

Whipped Cream and lime jell-o can be fun, not only with a guest, but on your own too.


End file.
